Pain

i've been away for awhile and i am sorry for tat. but the past few days, i have been carrying a burden of pain. I've been in a love lust lately and i hate it. Finally, 19 years of my life i have been searching for the the gal that matches my description and i found it. I finally found "her". I was determined to get her fall for me. but that determination was easily destroyed and burn. i've met a few frens since college starts and boy let me tell u. if they are not dickheads, then they are bitches. one of them stab my back to get close to "her". Every single time they hung out, i would rage with fury trying to go balbaric on him but i cant. now while she's keeping an eye out for him. He senses the jealousy and used it to turn "her" against me. Talking crap and bullshit about me behind my back. 1 thing i knew for sure is that the fucking guy definite falls for her like a sad lost little puppy. My anger controlled me doing the things i never thought of doing but soon i woke up and smell reality and realized.... she's not worth it. I've gave up on her...slowly and reluctantly..... but soon i did. On 6/5, i have fully fully fully let go of her. when i am around her, i am my oldself again. but it is HIS turn to feel the jealousy when i am around her being myself. Not to brag but i can be quite the charmer when i am normal again. But the moment i fully let go of her, destiny tried to screw me. It made her do something on me to make me not let go and keep holding on. that's wat fucking pisses me off. I hate the people (especially gals) that are not being sincere. the moment i started to be all gooey for her, the ignorant forgetful and bossy her is back. Fishing me as if i am nothing but a disposable. I sought help on FB and Jac Jac came to my rescue. Reading 3 comments that she commented woken me and gave me massive strength to let go again. I was inspired and determined that this time would be different. it's nearly 8 and i am about to get to class... will blog next time when i am free.